Last Friday I received a text from my dad to "Please call" him. Of course I was super busy with Invention Presentations and talking about 9/11 with all my classes that I wouldn't be able to call him until my plan time at 12:50. Around 12:45 I received an email that my Great Uncle Don was in the hospital due to a ruptured aneurysm and that my sister and I needed to pray because he wasn't expected to live. I immediately went into shock and then after the kids left my room I burst into tears.
I'm pretty sure I was hysterical and that is why my administrator and good friend Rachelle told me she would take care of everything and that I needed to go get my son and be with my mom at the hospital. I also have told him this, but I have to say that I was so grateful to my co-worker and friend Blake for immediately coming to tell me that he would help cover my club (Nail Painting) so that I could go home. Blake seems like a guys guy, but he's a softie. I've seen him with his baby girl. What a push over:)
I went over to my parent's house to pick up Everett. My mom walked in a couple minutes later to tell us that his condition was inoperable and that it may be hours, days or weeks left until we had to say goodbye. She said he looked great. He was talking and laughing and it just looked like he was resting in bed. We made a plan to go visit him when Everett got up from his nap. Around 5:00 I checked my phone and saw that my mom had called. When I called her back she told me that Uncle Don had died a few hours earlier.
The rest of my weekend was basically waves of tears, memories and worst...regrets. I kept thinking about how I should have called my dad back between classes. I should have just taken Everett up to the hospital and put him down for his nap later. I should have taken Everett over to his house like I had been planning. The regrets go on and on. I know what is meant to be will be and it happened this way for a reason. I know that this is perhaps a lesson for me to not waste time and to visit with my family more often. Even though Everett and my Uncle Don had just seen eachother for a lunch date a few weeks earlier, I should have done more.
My situations with grandpas as been a double edged sword. I haven't had to work through the death of a grandpa because one died before I was born and the other when I was very little. The other side of that is that I never was able to enjoy having a grandfather in my life. This is part of the reason Grant and I decided to have Everett when we did. We wanted him to grow up with all his grandparents. Since neither Grant or myself had that in our lives, Uncle Don was like our stand-in grandpa. His loss has hit me harder than I ever thought it would. I have had a very difficult time these last couple days. Last night I wrote Uncle Don and letter since I was unable to say goodbye in person. I gave it to my Aunt Peggy today so that she could leave it in a special place for him. Although I won't go into a lot of detail since I want that letter to be between him and I, I will share a few of my favorite memories of my uncle.
He had a parakeet named Polly who would sit on your finger. I was always afraid to put my hand in his cage and get him out, but Uncle Don was always so sweet and patient when I would ask him repeatedly to get the bird out so I could play with him. He never said no. He never was annoyed with the little girl asking him to get the bird in and out. He just obliged with a smile.
When I got my Jeep Wrangler at 17, he was thrilled. He would always talk about wanting to take a ride. One Easter asked me to take him and my cousin Lane off roading on a piece of land he owned. I still remember this tall skinny guy holding onto the roll bar and my small cousin in the backseat with a smile.
My favorite memories are hands down the time Uncle Don spent with Everett, or as he called him, his "Little Evie". I can remember the first time they met on Easter and my Uncle saying how good it felt to hold a baby again. I remember going down to my parent's basement and seeing Everett climb up into Uncle Don's lap to watch a KU game. I can remember him calling me to tell me that he wouldn't be able to make it to Everett's first birthday party but that we would get together soon because he "couldn’t wait to see that kid grow up". Then later he surprised us by driving over in the freezing cold so that he could join the party. My favorite part was when he asked if he could have a beer. That was Uncle Donald. He was the best.
There was not a dry eye in the house today during the celebration of life. However there was lots of great stories and laughter. My Aunt Peggy talked about how Uncle Don was a true gentleman. He really was. He was so friendly and kind and lived his life to the very fullest right up until the day he went up to heaven to be with his wife. My cousin Richard said that he always met people with a firm handshake, hug and a smile. I hope I never ever forget his smile.
I think one of the most moving parts of the service was when this poem was read (below). It really made me rethink a lot about my own life. After hearing stories about how my uncle worked as a teacher plus other side jobs so that his wife could stay home with their 5 kids so that they could have everything they needed she added they weren't rich, but they were rich with love, I decided to think a little more about the way I look at material things. After hearing about my uncle's family not being able to choose a charity for donations because he gave to so many, I decided to think about how much I was really giving back. Uncle Don was such a man of integrity and love. You would have never guessed he was going to celebrate his 90th birthday this year. He was young at heart and always a teacher. Even though he's not here anymore, I still learned from his life today. He lived a good "dash".
I read of a man who stood to speakat the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on his tombstone
from the beginning to the end He noted that first came his date of her birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years For that dash represents all the time
that he spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved him
Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash,
what matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life’s actions to rehash
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?
Last, this song was played at the end of his celebration of life. For some reason, it really reminds me of him and it probably always will.
